A legislative day only ends when a chamber formally adjourns. If they recess instead, it's still the same "day" — even if weeks pass.
House and Senate each track their own legislative days independently, though both use similar rules.
Record holder:
162 calendar days
Senate "Monday" • Jan 3 – Jun 12, 1980
This matters because many statutory deadlines use "days" without specifying calendar or legislative — letting Congress stretch them indefinitely.
From the Absurdity Index
Satirical legislation that actually makes sense - a novel concept
Not Bills are satirical proposals from the Absurdity Index — legislation so reasonable that no actual Congress would ever pass it. Each one highlights a gap between common sense and what really happens on Capitol Hill. Think of them as the bills you wish existed.
Showing 27 bills
Sorted by newest first
Page 1 of 1
27 total not bills in the index
Requires members of Congress to work at least as many days as the average American worker, ties their salary to actual days in session, and mandates a publicly visible attendance clock in every congressional office.
Requires members of Congress to actually attend classified intelligence briefings before appearing on cable news to discuss national security matters, and mandates disclosure of how many briefings a member has attended versus how many cable news appearances they have made.
Proposes a constitutional amendment limiting members of Congress to 12 years of total service -- the same limit Americans already decided was appropriate for the president -- because apparently the 22nd Amendment was only meant for one branch of government.
Simplifies the U.S. tax code to fit within the word count of the Constitution, requires the IRS to offer free return-free filing like every other developed nation, and issues a formal national apology for the current system.
Requires all members of Congress to certify under oath that they have personally read every bill before voting on it, including a mandatory comprehension quiz graded by a retired eighth-grade English teacher.
Requires all congressional offices to operate a DMV-style queue system where lobbyists must wait in the same line as constituents, caps the lobbyist-to-lawmaker ratio, and establishes a mandatory five-year cooling period before former members can become lobbyists.
Requires all factual claims made on the floor of either chamber to include citations, prohibits the practice of 'revising and extending' remarks to alter what was actually said, and establishes a Congressional Pinocchio Index for members who repeatedly make claims unsupported by evidence.
Requires sitting members of Congress to undergo periodic ethics and background screenings at least as rigorous as those required to drive for Uber, volunteer at a public school, or adopt a rescue dog.
Abolishes the debt ceiling entirely and replaces it with automatic authorization tied to appropriations, because the debt ceiling does not limit spending -- it limits paying for spending Congress already authorized, which is like eating dinner and then refusing to pay the check.
Requires members of Congress who vote to repeal or reduce healthcare coverage to personally enroll in the replacement plan they propose, eliminates the Congressional attending physician subsidy, and mandates that members experience the same deductibles, copays, and prior authorization processes as their constituents.
Requires all national emergencies to include a sunset clause, mandates annual 'Is This Still an Emergency?' reviews by Congress, and establishes objective criteria for what constitutes an emergency versus a permanent policy preference.
Reinstates the financial disclosure provisions of the STOCK Act that were gutted in 14 seconds, bans individual stock trading by members of Congress, and establishes the Martha Stewart Standard requiring that any trading behavior that would send a civilian to prison also applies to legislators.
Applies the same surveillance authorities Congress has authorized for American citizens to members of Congress themselves, on the theory that if they have nothing to hide they have nothing to fear — which is what they keep telling everyone else.
Requires all amendments to legislation be germane to the bill's stated subject, establishes a Single Subject Rule for Congress mirroring the laws of 48 states, and mandates that omnibus bills include a table of contents readable by a person who has not attended law school.
Requires all members of Congress to submit to the same random drug testing they have imposed on welfare recipients, federal employees, and job applicants, because what's good for the SNAP recipient is good for the Senator.
Requires members of Congress who offer 'thoughts and prayers' after a mass shooting to introduce specific legislation within 30 days, or have their condolence statements entered into the Congressional Record with a footnote reading 'No action taken.'
Requires anyone posting identical talking points about election legislation on social media to first demonstrate they have actually read the bill, can locate their own birth certificate, and are capable of forming at least one original thought.
Declares potholes a national emergency, establishes a federal Pothole Czar, mandates a nationwide pothole census, and redirects the Congressional gym budget to road repair.
It is allegedly illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament in the United Kingdom, reportedly because anyone who dies in a Royal Palace is entitled to a state funeral. Enforcement has proven challenging.
Makes it a federal misdemeanor to use the 'Reply All' function unnecessarily in government email systems, punishable by mandatory email etiquette training and public shaming.
In the United Kingdom, it is illegal to handle a salmon in suspicious circumstances under Section 32 of the Salmon Act 1986. No, really. 'Suspicious circumstances.' For a fish.
Allocates $42 million in federal funding for interdisciplinary research into the meaning of life, including mandatory 'existential crisis days' for all federal employees.
Wisconsin banned the sale of yellow-colored margarine from 1895 until 1967, because the dairy industry decided that if margarine couldn't taste like butter, it certainly shouldn't be allowed to LOOK like butter either.
Mandates that all political campaign advertisements include a mandatory disclaimer identifying every exaggeration, misleading statistic, and outright fabrication contained therein.
Requires all federal legislation to be written in plain English that a reasonably literate eighth-grader could understand, because apparently that needed to be a law.
In 1897, the Indiana General Assembly nearly passed a bill that would have legally redefined the mathematical constant pi as 3.2. The bill passed the House unanimously before a mathematician intervened. This actually happened.
Requires all members of Congress to pass a basic technology literacy quiz before being permitted to vote on any legislation related to technology, the internet, or anything with a screen.
No bills found.
The Absurdity Index is on recess. Again.
This is satire. Some of it's real. We'll let you figure out which. Verify it yourself