This site is satire. Data may be incomplete, links may break, scores are opinions. Verify at Congress.gov before citing us in your dissertation.

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How We Score Absurdity

A completely scientific methodology developed by people who read too many congressional records


The Absurdity Scale

12345678910
Suspiciously Reasonable
Pork-Adjacent
Hold My Gavel
Fish on Meth
Absurdity
1

1-3: Suspiciously Reasonable

Legislation that accidentally makes sense. Post office namings, routine budgets, and other evidence that Congress may occasionally be functional.

Examples: Naming federal buildings, routine appropriations, technical corrections to existing law — the legislative equivalent of filing your taxes on time
Absurdity
4

4-6: Pork-Adjacent

Bills flirting with absurdity. Creative acronyms, suspiciously specific regulations, and the unmistakable scent of a rider nobody was supposed to read.

Examples: Tortured backronyms (PATRIOT Act, anyone?), weirdly specific regulations, commemorative coin proliferation
Absurdity
7

7-8: Hold My Gavel

Genuinely reckless legislating. Pork barrel projects, studies on things we already know, and spending decisions that suggest the vote was taken at 2am.

Examples: Earmarks for bridges to nowhere, studies answering questions nobody asked, infrastructure in districts that don't exist yet
Absurdity
9

9-10: Fish on Meth

The pinnacle of absurdity. Pizza-as-vegetable tier. Bills so absurd they transcend partisan criticism and unite us all in confused disbelief.

Examples: The infamous school lunch pizza classification, actual studies on fish exposed to methamphetamines, legislative riders that defy explanation

Our Methodology

We Read the Bills

Yes, we actually read them. The full text. The amendments. The committee reports. So you don't have to experience that particular form of existential dread.

Editorial Opinion

Our scores are editorial opinion, not objective fact. Reasonable people can disagree about what constitutes absurdity. Unreasonable people can disagree more loudly.

What We Consider

  • • Wasteful or inefficient spending
  • • Tortured acronyms and naming
  • • Time spent relative to importance
  • • Actual impact vs. stated goals
  • • Unintended consequences

Non-Partisan Absurdity

Absurdity knows no party. We critique bills from all political persuasions because wasteful legislation is a truly bipartisan achievement.

Important Disclaimer

This is satire and commentary. While we base our analysis on real legislation, our scores and commentary are intended to entertain and provoke thought, not serve as legal or policy guidance.

For official bill text and status, visit Congress.gov