In the Absurdity Index of the United States
119th Absurdity Index — 1st Session of Futility
Congressional Healthcare Equity Act
Party Balance
BipartisanSection 1. Short Title and Finding of Institutional Hypocrisy
This Act may be cited as the “Congressional Healthcare Equity Act” or the “Try the Plan You Voted For Act of 2026.”
The House finds and is uncomfortable acknowledging:
(a) Members of Congress receive healthcare coverage through the DC Small Business Health Options Program (DC SHOP) as required by the 2010 Grassley amendment to the Affordable Care Act, with the federal government — that is, the taxpayer — subsidizing approximately 72% of the premium, amounting to roughly $12,000 per year per member for family coverage.
(b) The average American family paid $25,572 per year for employer-sponsored health insurance premiums in 2024, of which the worker’s share averaged $6,296, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.
(c) Congress has access to the Office of the Attending Physician, which provides on-site medical care in the Capitol complex for an annual fee of approximately $700. This includes primary care, diagnostics, physical therapy, and emergency services — a benefit available to no other American for $700 per year, or indeed for any amount of money without an appointment and a two-month wait.
(d) Senator Chuck Grassley’s 2010 amendment to the Affordable Care Act required members of Congress and their staff to obtain coverage through ACA exchanges rather than the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program. This was intended to ensure that Congress would live under the laws it passes. The subsequent implementation preserved the taxpayer subsidy, which somewhat defeated the purpose.
(e) Multiple members of Congress who voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act continued to receive government-subsidized healthcare coverage through the very exchanges established by the Affordable Care Act, a fact that the committee presents without additional commentary, as the commentary writes itself.
(f) The average individual health insurance deductible in 2024 was $1,787, meaning most Americans must pay nearly $2,000 out of pocket before their insurance covers anything, a concept that several members of Congress appeared unfamiliar with during committee testimony.
Section 2. The Premium Parity Clause
2(a). General Requirement
Any member of Congress who votes to repeal, defund, reduce, block, or otherwise undermine any provision of the Affordable Care Act, Medicaid, Medicare, or any other federal healthcare program shall be automatically enrolled in the healthcare plan they have proposed as a replacement, at the same premium and with the same benefits available to their constituents.
2(b). No Replacement Offered
In the event that a member votes to repeal healthcare legislation without proposing a replacement — which has occurred on multiple occasions — that member shall be enrolled in no plan at all for a period of 90 days, during which they may experience the American healthcare system as approximately 27.6 million uninsured Americans experience it.
2(c). Waiver
No waivers shall be granted. If the plan is good enough for constituents, it is good enough for their representative.
Section 3. The Deductible Experience Requirement
3(a). Deductible Matching
All members of Congress shall have their healthcare deductible set to match the national average for the type of plan their constituents most commonly hold. For 2024, this means an individual deductible of $1,787 and a family deductible of $3,567.
3(b). Out-of-Pocket Maximum
Members shall additionally be subject to the same out-of-pocket maximum as their constituents, which for 2024 was $9,100 for an individual. The committee notes that $9,100 represents approximately 5.2% of a congressional salary of $174,000, and approximately 15% of the median American household income of $59,540.
3(c). Prior Authorization
Members shall be required to obtain prior authorization for all non-emergency procedures, using the same process available to their constituents. This includes:
- Calling the insurance company’s toll-free number
- Being placed on hold for a duration to be determined by the insurance company
- Explaining the medical necessity to a customer service representative who is not a physician
- Submitting documentation via fax (yes, fax)
- Waiting 14 business days for a response
- Being denied
- Appealing
- Being denied again
- Appealing again, this time with additional documentation
- Eventually receiving approval for a procedure that the member’s physician recommended in the first place
Section 4. The “Attending Physician Privilege” Sunset
4(a). Elimination of Subsidy
The Office of the Attending Physician shall continue to operate, but the annual fee shall be adjusted from $700 to the fair market value of the services provided, as determined by an independent actuarial analysis. Preliminary estimates suggest the fair market value exceeds $10,000 per year.
4(b). Alternative
Members who wish to continue paying $700 for comprehensive on-site medical care may do so, provided they vote to extend the same benefit to all Americans, which the committee estimates would cost approximately $2.3 trillion per year and would, by a remarkable coincidence, constitute universal healthcare.
Section 5. The ACA Exchange Enrollment Mandate
5(a). Full Compliance
All members of Congress shall enroll in health insurance exclusively through the ACA marketplace exchanges available to their constituents, without the employer (taxpayer) contribution that currently covers approximately 72% of their premium.
5(b). Navigating HealthCare.gov
Members shall be required to complete the enrollment process themselves, without staff assistance, using HealthCare.gov during the open enrollment period. Technical difficulties encountered during enrollment shall not be grounds for an extension, as they are not grounds for an extension for anyone else.
5(c). Annual Renewal
Members must re-enroll annually and select from the same plan tiers (Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum) available to their constituents. The committee recommends Bronze, as it most closely approximates the experience of Americans who cannot afford higher premiums.
Section 6. Effective Date and Anticipated Compliance
This Act shall take effect upon enactment, though the committee notes that it received zero votes in favor out of 435 cast, making it the only bill this session to achieve perfect attendance and unanimous opposition simultaneously.
Committee Note: This bill was voted down 0-435, the first unanimous vote of the 119th Congress and the best-attended vote of the session. Members who had missed votes on the debt ceiling, disaster relief, and the annual budget all managed to be present for this one. The committee chair observed that Congress demonstrated that it is, in fact, capable of perfect attendance when sufficiently motivated, and invited members to consider what that says about their priorities. Forty-seven members subsequently issued statements affirming their commitment to “healthcare access for all Americans,” which the committee entered into the Record without comment.
This bill received zero votes. Not one. Of the 435 members of the House, all 435 voted against requiring themselves to use the same healthcare as their constituents. This was the first time all 435 members were present for a vote since the ceremonial first-day session. In the three weeks following the vote, nine members visited the Office of the Attending Physician for routine care at a cost of $700 per year, and four members appeared on television to argue that the American healthcare system works well. The average American, who pays $6,296 in premiums and $1,787 in deductibles before their insurance covers a single dollar, was unavailable for comment, as they were on hold with their insurance company.
Official Congressional Vote
*Results may not reflect actual congressional voting patterns, though they probably should.
This is a satirical "Not Bill" — legislation that makes too much sense to ever pass. Any resemblance to actual congressional behavior is purely coincidental (and unfortunate).