Emergency Definition Standards Act

Section 1. Short Title and Finding of Permanent Impermanence

This Act may be cited as the “Emergency Definition Standards Act” or the “Words Have Meanings Act of 2026.”

Congress finds, with a mixture of embarrassment and resignation:

(a) There are currently 42 active national emergencies in the United States, a number that suggests either the nation is in unprecedented peril or the word “emergency” has been redefined to mean “policy preference the executive branch would rather not run through Congress.”

(b) The oldest active national emergency concerns Iran and has been continuously in effect since November 14, 1979, making it older than most members of Congress’s legislative aides and roughly as permanent as the Washington Monument.

(c) The National Emergencies Act of 1976 was enacted specifically to prevent permanent emergencies, which is like passing a law against gravity and then being surprised when things continue to fall.

(d) Over 77 national emergencies have been declared since 1976, and Congress has successfully terminated exactly one of them, giving the legislative branch a batting average that would get you cut from a Little League team.

(e) Some emergencies have been renewed annually for decades without any congressional review, a process that is less “oversight” and more “rubber stamp with extra steps.”

Section 2. Emergency Definition Standards

2(a). What Constitutes an Emergency

For the purposes of federal law, a “national emergency” shall henceforth require:

1. A specific, identifiable threat or crisis that has occurred or is imminent
2. A situation that cannot be adequately addressed through normal legislative and regulatory processes
3. A circumstance that reasonable people would describe as “urgent” without using air quotes
4. A condition that did not also exist last year, the year before, and continuously since the Carter administration

2(b). What Does Not Constitute an Emergency

The following shall not qualify as a national emergency:

• Any situation that has persisted unchanged for more than five years
• Any policy objective that the executive branch could pursue through normal legislation but finds it inconvenient to do so
• Any condition that the declaring president inherited from a predecessor and renewed without reading the original declaration
• Anything that, when described to a person unfamiliar with government, elicits the response “Wait, that’s still going on?”

Section 3. The “Is This Still an Emergency?” Test

3(a). Annual Review

Every active national emergency shall be subjected to an annual “Is This Still an Emergency?” review conducted by the relevant congressional committees, during which the executive branch must demonstrate, with evidence, that:

1. The original conditions that prompted the declaration still exist
2. The emergency powers being exercised are directly related to those conditions
3. Normal legislative processes cannot address the situation
4. The emergency has not quietly transformed into permanent policy wearing a temporary costume

3(b). The Five-Year Reclassification

Any national emergency that has been active for more than five years shall be automatically reclassified from “emergency” to “ongoing situation that Congress should probably legislate on but hasn’t gotten around to.” This reclassification carries no legal weight but is intended to cause mild embarrassment.

3(c). Emergency Age Classification System

Active emergencies shall be classified according to their age:

• Acute (0-2 years): “This is genuinely urgent”
• Chronic (2-5 years): “This is starting to look permanent”
• Legacy (5-15 years): “The person who declared this may no longer remember why”
• Institutional (15-30 years): “This has outlasted multiple presidencies and a generation of voters”
• Geological (30+ years): “At this point, it’s a feature, not a bug”

Section 4. The Emergency Inflation Index

4(a). Establishment

The Government Accountability Office shall develop and maintain an Emergency Inflation Index (EII) measuring the rate at which the executive branch has expanded the definition of “emergency” over time.

4(b). Methodology

The EII shall track:

1. The number of active emergencies per year, adjusted for actual emergencies
2. The average age of active emergencies
3. The percentage of emergencies that were renewed without any substantive review
4. The ratio of emergencies declared to emergencies terminated, which currently stands at approximately 77:1

4(c). Publication

The EII shall be published annually and presented to Congress in a format designed to be slightly more readable than the emergencies themselves, which is a low bar.

Section 5. Automatic Sunset Clause

5(a). Two-Year Expiration

Every national emergency declared after the enactment of this Act shall automatically expire after two years unless Congress passes a joint resolution of renewal by a recorded vote, because “emergency” and “permanent” are not synonyms, regardless of how the executive branch has been using them.

5(b). Retroactive Application

All currently active national emergencies shall be subject to a congressional renewal vote within 180 days of this Act’s enactment. Any emergency not affirmatively renewed by recorded vote shall terminate. Congress acknowledges that this provision alone would require approximately 42 separate votes, which is still fewer votes than Congress typically takes on naming post offices.

5(c). The Iran Provision

The national emergency concerning Iran, declared on November 14, 1979, shall receive special consideration, not because it is more meritorious than other emergencies, but because it has been going on for so long that terminating it would require notifying government systems that may not have been updated since the Carter administration.

Section 6. Congressional Review Requirement

6(a). Mandatory Vote

No national emergency shall be renewed without a recorded vote in both chambers of Congress. The current practice of allowing emergencies to renew automatically is the governmental equivalent of a free trial subscription that nobody remembers signing up for and nobody can figure out how to cancel.

6(b). Debate Requirement

Prior to any renewal vote, the relevant committees shall hold at least one public hearing at which a representative of the executive branch must explain, in plain English, why the emergency is still an emergency. The use of the phrase “national security” without further elaboration shall not be considered a sufficient explanation.

Section 7. Effective Date and Acknowledgment of Irony

This Act shall take effect immediately upon enactment, which Congress acknowledges is unlikely, as the executive branch has signaled its opposition by describing the bill as — and this is not a joke — an “urgent threat to national security.”

Committee Note: This bill was reported out of committee 12-22, with the 22 dissenting members expressing concern that limiting emergency powers would constitute, in the words of the ranking member, “an emergency.” The committee chair responded that this was “exactly the problem the bill is designed to address.” The ranking member did not find this persuasive.

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This bill was defeated 48-387, with the executive branch issuing a statement that opposing it was “a matter of urgent national importance.” The 48 members who voted “yea” issued a joint statement titled “We Told You So,” which was widely ignored. All 42 active national emergencies were subsequently renewed without review, as is tradition. The Iran emergency entered its 47th year of being an emergency, making it older than the average American mortgage and considerably harder to refinance.